Incest Detritus × The Demonslayer [Animated]

[mistyvixen]

Latest update
Chapter 2

 

[Mrxr]

How about dark magic plus espionage ...

Yhi mast rhega...

Dimag me locha hai kya... Wahi toh bola na main... Ki mix combo is better..

 

[vihan27]

Chapter 1 is up!

Incest - Detritus

Chapter 1 is up! https://xforum.live/threads/detritus.214681/post-12050271 Manushya ka astitva aksar un do kinaron ke beech behti nadi ki tarah hota hai jahan ek taraf samajik maryadaon ka shant tat hai aur doosri taraf hamare bheetar dabe un pashuon ka bhayankar veg basta hai. Hum sab apne...

xforum.live

Manushya ka astitva aksar un do kinaron ke beech behti nadi ki tarah hota hai jahan ek taraf samajik maryadaon ka shant tat hai aur doosri taraf hamare bheetar dabe un pashuon ka bhayankar veg basta hai. Hum sab apne chehre par ek mukhota pehen kar ghoomte hain jise duniya 'shishtachaar' kehti hai. Par jaisa ki Carl Jung ne kaha tha, "Har vyakti ke saath ek parchhayi chalti hai aur wo vyakti ki asli zindagi mein jitni kam shamil hoti hai wo parchhayi utni hi zyada kaali aur ghani hoti jati hai."

Shaurya ke liye ye parchhayi koi manovigyanik siddhant nahi balki uske har din ki haqeeqat thi. Uske bheetar jo unmaad tha wo uski 'Shadow' ka wo hissa tha jise usne sadiyon se duba kar rakha tha.

Vigyan ise dimaag ki ek awastha keh sakta hai par philosophy aur manovigyan ise swayam ka sangharsh maante hain. Jab hamare bheetar ka ye pashu jagrit hota hai toh wo sirf hamari taqat nahi badhata balki hamare dekhne ka nazariya bhi badal deta hai. Ye kahani hai Shaurya ki ek aise hi yuvak ki jo apni manushyata aur apne bheetar panap rahe us anjaan unmaad ke beech ek barik lakeer par chal raha hai. Ek aisa safar jahan har mod par niyati use chunauti deti hai aur jaisa ki Viktor Frankl ne kaha tha, "Insaan se sab kuch chhina ja sakta hai siwaye ek cheez ke kisi bhi di gayi paristhiti mein apna nazariya (attitude) chunne ki azadi ke"



Shaurya ke liye ye jung ab khud ke nazariye aur apne bheetar ke us rakshas ko chunne ki thi.

Teri hindi bahut bekar hai, ise acha to English me hi likh de yaa fir kisi ki help le... Ek para nhi padha usme hi kitni mistake hai... Shudh hindi ko devnagari me likh yaa fir normal jesa likhti hai vese hi likh.. AI ise human touch nhi de payega...

 

[Mrxr]

Shaurabh

I like this one not mc or fmc

 

[Mrxr]

Chapter 1

Shaurya kisi purane bikhre hue panno ki dher ki tarah apne chot ke nishaan chhupane ki koshish kar raha tha. Kya kisi ne kabhi us pal ko mehsoos kiya hai jab shareer ke bheetar koi aisi shakti karvat le rahi ho jo manushya ki nahi lagti ho? Maano koi soya hua vanyajeev jo sadiyon ki neend ke baad apni aankhein kholne ko bechain ho. Shaurya ke liye ye koi upanyas ka panna nahi tha balki uske astitva ki ek kadvi sachayi thi jise wo har subah darpan mein dekhne se darta tha. Log ise ‘Intermittent Explosive Disorder’ keh sakte the par Shaurya janta tha ki uske bheetar ka wo andhera kisi din uski manushyata ko nigal jayega.

Bombay ki us dopahar mein jab tapish deewaron ko jhulsa rahi thi



Shaurya Rasayan Vigyan (Chemistry) ke books apne jhole mein samet raha tha. Uska mann ek ashaant samundar ki tarah tha jahan lehran har pal kinare todne ko taiyar thi. Kaksha mein bacho ka shor benchon ke ghisne ki karkash awaaz aur pankhon ki ghargharahat uske dimaag mein kisi hathode ki tarah lag rahi thi.

Acharya Dixit jo apni purani paramparaon ke kile mein kaid the abhi bhi purane dhang se calculations kar rahe the. Unhone apni chashme ko naak par tikaya aur karkash awaaz mein kaha, "Vidyarthiyon dhyan rahe ki agle saptah ka experiment tabhi safal hoga jab aap apne dimaag ko shant rakhenge. Vigyan mein dhairya hi sab kuch hai."

Shaurya ne dhere se ek thandi saans bhari aur khud se badbadaya, toDhairya... kaash ye bazaar mein bikta toh main sabse pehle kharid leta."

Tabhi hawa mein ek sugandh ghuli jaise laung aur vanilla ki wo madhur mehak jo shehar ke pradushan ko cheer kar seedhi uske dimaag mein utar gayi. Palak wahan se guzri.



Uske chamakte kaale baal uske kandhon par kisi reshmi chadar ki tarah bikhre hue the. Uske chalne ki lehar mein ek aisi kashish thi jo kisi chumbak ki tarah Shaurya ke dhyan ko kheencha rahi thi. Shaurya ke bheetar ka wo pashu jaise kisi shikaari ki tarah satark ho gaya.

"Oye Shaurya! Kidhar khoya hai bhai?" Ek parichit awaaz ne uska dhyan bhang kiya. Wo Aaryan tha, uska sabse kareebi dost, jiske baal hamesha ki tarah gel laga kar salike se sanware hue the.

"Kahinn nahi yaar bas thodi thakan hai," Shaurya ne jhoot bola.

Aaryan ne uske kandhe par haath rakha aur muskurate hue kaha, "Chhod ye sab. Aaj raat ka scene set hai na? Aaj toh chalna hai. Manasvi maan gayi hai bhai! Aaj toh tera bhai party dega."

Shaurya ne thoda hichkichate hue pucha "Manasvi maan gayi? Wo toh bheed bhaad se nafrat karti thi."

Aaryan ne aankh marte hue kaha, "Tera bhai jab makkhan lagata hai na toh pathar bhi pighal jata hai. Bas 9 baje pahunch jana."

Shaurya ne sar hilaya par uska mann kahin aur tha. Jab wo campus se bahar nikal raha tha uske phone par ek message aaya.

Maa: "Beta Shaurya kaise ho? Padhai kaisi chal rahi hai? Diwali par ghar aaoge na? Tumhare bina ghar bahut suna lagta hai."

Shaurya ne muskurate hue type kiya: "Mom main theek hoon. Padhai thodi dimaag ka dahi kar rahi hai par main sambhal loonga. Aur haan main Diwali par ghar zaroor aaunga. Aap apna aapna dhyan rakhna."

Vishwavidyalaya ke campus se bahar nikate waqt ek motorcycle wala kisi teer ki tarah bheed se nikla.



Uske pahiyaan ki ghisne ki awaaz ne Shaurya ke bheetar ke unmaad ko ek pal ke liye jagrit kar diya.

"Aye hat! Side de!" Motorcycle wala chillaya.

Motorcycle seedha Palak se ja takraye. Wo zameen par giri uske kaale baal dhool mein bikhar gaye...speed kam hone ke wajah se jayda chot nhi lage. Shaurya kshan bhar mein uski taraf lapka.

"Aankhein button hain kya teri?" Shaurya ne ghurrate hue cycle wale ka collar pakadne ke liye haath badhaya par Palak ki karahne ki awaaz ne use rok liya.

"Shaurya... chhodo use ruko,"

Shaurya turant uske paas ghutno ke bal baitha. "Ghabrao mat Palak. Main dekhta hoon."

Palak ne apne dahine kandhe ko pakadte hue bole, "Mera kandha. Maano andar se kuch toot gaya ho."

Shaurya ne dhyan se dekha. Uska kandha apni jagah se dislocate ho gaya tha. Bheed jama hone lagi. "Hato yahan se! Khaali tamasha mat dekho idhar!" Shaurya un par dahada.

"Tumhe Hospital jana padega Palak," Shaurya ne narm awaaz mein bola.

"Nahi," Palak ne uska haath kas kar pakad liya. "Hospital nahi. Wahan bahut lambe line lage rhete hai. Mujhe bas kahin shaant jagah le chalo."

Shaurya ne use sahara dekar uthaya aur pustakalaya ke peeche wali sunsaan gali mein le gaya.

"Dekho Palak, main medical student hoon. Tumhara kandha dislocate ho gaya hai. Agar main ise abhi sahi nahi karta toh ye sujan badh jayegi. Mujhpar bharosa hai?"

Palak ne dard mein sar hilaya aur apne top ka kapda halka neeche kar diya.



Palak uske bharose the uske peenth dekhar uska khoon jam gaya par usne Palak ko vachan diya tha.

Shaurya ne uska haath pakda aur ek vishesh reduction technique ka istemal kiya jiske baar mein usne padha tha.

"Ek... do... teen!"

Ek halki pop ki awaaz aayi aur Palak ne dabi hui cheekh maari. Uska kandha sahi jagah baith chuka tha.

"Ho gaya," Shaurya ne paseena ponchhte hue kaha.

"Uff... behtar... bahut behtar. Shukriya Shaurya," Palak ne apne kaale baal peeche kiye. Phir usne Shaurya ki aankhon mein dekha. "Lekin tumhare bheetar ka gussa... wo bahut daravna hai Shaurya. Use sambhalo, varna wo tumhe kha jayega."

***

Raat ki syahi Mumbai ki sadkon par utarne hi wali thi. Shaurya ne Aaryan ki di hui kaali shirt pehni thi.

Tabhi darwaza kisi aandhi ki tarah khula aur Aaryan andar dakhil hua. Uske baal itne zyada gel se chamak rahe thae ki shayad andheri gali mein wo torch ka kaam kar sakte the. Usne apne haath mein ek purana se deo spray pakda tha aur use kisi talwar ki tarah chala raha tha.

"Oye hero! Kya lag raha hai! Agar aaj raat tune kisi ko date par nahi liya toh main tera naam badal kar 'Ghanshyam' rakh doonga,"

Shaurya ne aaine mein apna aakar dekha aur phir Aaryan ki taraf muda. "Naam badalne ki zaroorat nahi padegi Aaryan. Bas ye bata ki tune Manasvi ko kaise fasaya? Mera matlab hai... wo toh itni samajhdar hai aur tu..."

Aaryan ne apna seena chauday kiya aur bistar par baith gaya. "Dekh Shauraya ise 'fasana' nahi kehte. Ise kehte hain 'Manovigyanik Yudhkala' Manasvi ko lagta tha ki main bas ek awara ladka hoon jo sirf faltu ke partyion aur awaaragirdi ke bare mein sochta hai."

"Jo ki sach hai," Shaurya ne beech mein tokte hue kaha.

"Chup kar! Sun toh sahi," Aaryan ne haath nachaate hue kaha. "Maine use Library mein pakda. Wo bechari Advanced Calculus ki kitabon mein dabi hui thi. Maine bas jaakar usse ek sawal pucha 'Manasvi kya tumhe lagta hai ki Newton ne jab apple girte dekha tha toh usne socha tha ki uska milkshake banayega ya gravity ki khoj karega?'"

Shauraya ne apna sar pakad liya. "Tune sach mein ye pucha? Aur wo maan gayi?"

"Arre nahi re! Pehle toh usne mujhe aisi nazar se dekha jaise main koi chipkali hoon jo uske dimaag par gir gayi hai. Phir usne kaha "Aaryan tum kitne bade gadhe ho obviously gravity ke khoj karega?!?"

Maine turant jawab diya '"Haan par main ek aisa gadha hoon jo tumhe apple se milkshake bana ke pila skta hoon jo tumhara Newton nhi kar skta. Bas! Wahi pighal gayi wo."

Shaurya muskuraya par uski muskan mein thodi gambhirta thi. Usne dekha ki Aaryan mazaak toh kar raha ha par uski aankhon mein Manasvi ke liye ek alag hi chamak thi.
"Aaryan mazak se hatkar... thoda serious ho ja," Shauraya ne uska kandha pakadte hue kaha. "Manasvi un ladkiyon jaisi nahi hai jinhe tu har hafte badalta hai. Wo dil ki saaf hai. Agar tu uske saath sirf timepass kar raha hai toh abhi ruk ja. Use chot pahunchana sahi nahi hoga."

Aaryan ka mazaakiya chehra thoda dhila pada gaya. Usne apne deo ko mez par rakha aur niche dekhte hue bola, "Bhai tujhe lagta hai main itna gira hua hoon? Is baar thoda alag hai mere liye sab. Jab wo hasti hai na toh aisa lagta hai jaise poore Mumbai ka traffic jam khatam ho gaya ho. Main serious hoon Shaurya dead serious. Isliye toh tujhe saath le ja raha hoon taaki tu meri badtameezion par lagam laga sake."

Shaurya ne rahat ki saans li. "Theek hai. Par yaad rakhna agar tune use pareshan kiya toh mere bheetar ka jo gussa hai na tujh par nikal jayega."

"Arre baap re! Abhi se dhamki?" Aaryan hasne laga. "

"Chal nikalte hain Isse pehle ki tu poori bottle deo apne upar khali kar de."

"Oye! Ye Versace pour homme hai ladkiyan is par fida hoti hain," Aaryan ne gusse mein kaha.

Shauraya ne uske neeche se ek hamla kiya aur deo ko uchal ke door Kone mein fenk diya, "Chal chal hawa aane de ab..."

**

Bar ke bheetar ka nazaara shor sharaabe se bhara tha. Wahan Manasvi aayi aur uske saath ek aur ladki thi. Janhvi ke kaale baal uske kamar tak ja rahe the usne ek kaale bodycon dress pehne hue the aur uski aankhon mein ek ajeeb si chaturayi thi.

"Ye Janhvi hai Manasvi ki purani dost," Aaryan ne parichay karwaya.

Janhvi ne Shauraya ki taraf dekha aur muskura kar kaha, "Suna hai tumne aaj campus mein ek bada hadsa rok liya? Palak meri saheli hai usne bataya ki tumne uski madad ki."



Dono ek hi college mein the aur ek dusre ko chere se pehchante bhi the par alag alag class mein hone ke wajah se roz baat nhi hote the.

Shaurya thoda hichkichaya, "Bas jo sahi laga wo kiya uss samay"
Party abhi shuru hi hui thi ki wahan Chaitanya aa pahuncha. Chaitanya vishwavidyalaya ka star athlete tha par uska ghamand uske kad se bhi bada tha. Usne Janhvi ka haath pakda aur use apni taraf kheencha.

"Chhodo mujhe, Chaitanya!" Janhvi ne gusse mein kaha.

"Kyun? Is naye ladke ke saath waqt bitana hai?" Chaitanya ne Shaurya ki taraf dekhkar thooka. "Hey tum, yahan se rasta naapo varna tumhara hulia bigad doonga."

Shaurya ne gehri saans li. Uska pashu jaag raha tha. "Usko chhordo Chaitanya. Wo tumhare saath nahi jana chahti."
Aaryan ne beech bachav ki koshish ki, "Bhai, chhodo na jhagda mat karo." Par Chaitanya ne Aaryan ko dhakka de kar gira diya.

Bas wo pal Ishaan ke liye kaafi tha.
Shaurya ne Chaitanya ka haath aisi pakad se jakda ki Chaitanya ka chehra dard se neela pad gaya. "Maine kaha use chhordo."

Chaitanya ne ek mukka mara par Ishaan ne use hawa mein hi pakad liya. Shaurya ki aankhein achanak bilkul kaali aur gahri ho gayi maano koi kuan ho. Usne Chaitanya ko uthakar ek hi jhatke mein bar ke counter ke paar phenk diya. Bar mein sannaata chha gaya. Sabhi log hairat se dekh rahe the ki ek duble patle ladke ne shehar ke sabse bade khiladi ko ek haath se phenk diya.

"Yahan se nikal jao isse pehle ki main apna aapa kho doon," Shaurya ne ghurrate hue kaha. Uski awaaz kisi insaan ki nahi lag rahi thi.

Chaitanya ladkhadate hue bahar bhaga.
Janhvi ne Shaurya ki taraf dekha uski aankhon mein darr nahi balki ek ajeeb sa sukoon tha.



"Tumhe nahi pata tumne kya kiya hai Shaurya. Par mujhe acha laga koi mera liya khada rha."

Thode der baad bina kuch kahe bar se bahar nikal gaya. Wo campus ke sunsaan raste par bhagne laga. Use akele rehna tha. Use samajh nahi aa raha tha ki uske bheetar ye shakti kahan se aayi.

Ghar pahunch kar usne mirror mein dekha. Uska chehra wahi tha kaale baal wahi the par uski aankhon mein ab bhi wo 'unmaad' baki tha jisse seshe ke andar apne 50vi parchaye ko bhi saaf dekh paa rha tha.


Aaj ke liye itna hi guys starting update hai isliye obviously thoda chota hai aage walon se. next update

Spoiler: Spoiler ✌️

Ye 1st chapter hai toh jyada kuch nahi kahe sakta kyonki story ka plot clear nahi hua hai. Par....

Chapter me kuch scene aise hai jise improvement ki need hai..

1. Gussa, pashu ye kafi baar repeat hua hai. Ek do jagah body language ka use kar sakte hain. Jaise uske chehre ke bhav achanak se badal gaye.
2. Chaitanya ka charecter jaldi reveal ho gaya. janvi toh bolne wali hi thi, so jaldi laga mujhe. Aur chaitanya jaisa ghamndi ladka warning na de kar kaise chala jaye toh thoda strange lagta hai.
3. Language problem kabhi aisa lagta hai ham old era me hai phir ekdum se ham new era me aa gaye hain... So fix this.
4. 2 jagah shaurya ko ishaan likha hai... So fix this typo.
5. Motercycle aur cycle ka confusion dur karo yaar...

 

[dhparikh]

Chapter 1

Shaurya kisi purane bikhre hue panno ki dher ki tarah apne chot ke nishaan chhupane ki koshish kar raha tha. Kya kisi ne kabhi us pal ko mehsoos kiya hai jab shareer ke bheetar koi aisi shakti karvat le rahi ho jo manushya ki nahi lagti ho? Maano koi soya hua vanyajeev jo sadiyon ki neend ke baad apni aankhein kholne ko bechain ho. Shaurya ke liye ye koi upanyas ka panna nahi tha balki uske astitva ki ek kadvi sachayi thi jise wo har subah darpan mein dekhne se darta tha. Log ise ‘Intermittent Explosive Disorder’ keh sakte the par Shaurya janta tha ki uske bheetar ka wo andhera kisi din uski manushyata ko nigal jayega.

Bombay ki us dopahar mein jab tapish deewaron ko jhulsa rahi thi



Shaurya Rasayan Vigyan (Chemistry) ke books apne jhole mein samet raha tha. Uska mann ek ashaant samundar ki tarah tha jahan lehran har pal kinare todne ko taiyar thi. Kaksha mein bacho ka shor benchon ke ghisne ki karkash awaaz aur pankhon ki ghargharahat uske dimaag mein kisi hathode ki tarah lag rahi thi.

Acharya Dixit jo apni purani paramparaon ke kile mein kaid the abhi bhi purane dhang se calculations kar rahe the. Unhone apni chashme ko naak par tikaya aur karkash awaaz mein kaha, "Vidyarthiyon dhyan rahe ki agle saptah ka experiment tabhi safal hoga jab aap apne dimaag ko shant rakhenge. Vigyan mein dhairya hi sab kuch hai."

Shaurya ne dhere se ek thandi saans bhari aur khud se badbadaya, toDhairya... kaash ye bazaar mein bikta toh main sabse pehle kharid leta."

Tabhi hawa mein ek sugandh ghuli jaise laung aur vanilla ki wo madhur mehak jo shehar ke pradushan ko cheer kar seedhi uske dimaag mein utar gayi. Palak wahan se guzri.



Uske chamakte kaale baal uske kandhon par kisi reshmi chadar ki tarah bikhre hue the. Uske chalne ki lehar mein ek aisi kashish thi jo kisi chumbak ki tarah Shaurya ke dhyan ko kheencha rahi thi. Shaurya ke bheetar ka wo pashu jaise kisi shikaari ki tarah satark ho gaya.

"Oye Shaurya! Kidhar khoya hai bhai?" Ek parichit awaaz ne uska dhyan bhang kiya. Wo Aaryan tha, uska sabse kareebi dost, jiske baal hamesha ki tarah gel laga kar salike se sanware hue the.

"Kahinn nahi yaar bas thodi thakan hai," Shaurya ne jhoot bola.

Aaryan ne uske kandhe par haath rakha aur muskurate hue kaha, "Chhod ye sab. Aaj raat ka scene set hai na? Aaj toh chalna hai. Manasvi maan gayi hai bhai! Aaj toh tera bhai party dega."

Shaurya ne thoda hichkichate hue pucha "Manasvi maan gayi? Wo toh bheed bhaad se nafrat karti thi."

Aaryan ne aankh marte hue kaha, "Tera bhai jab makkhan lagata hai na toh pathar bhi pighal jata hai. Bas 9 baje pahunch jana."

Shaurya ne sar hilaya par uska mann kahin aur tha. Jab wo campus se bahar nikal raha tha uske phone par ek message aaya.

Maa: "Beta Shaurya kaise ho? Padhai kaisi chal rahi hai? Diwali par ghar aaoge na? Tumhare bina ghar bahut suna lagta hai."

Shaurya ne muskurate hue type kiya: "Mom main theek hoon. Padhai thodi dimaag ka dahi kar rahi hai par main sambhal loonga. Aur haan main Diwali par ghar zaroor aaunga. Aap apna aapna dhyan rakhna."

Vishwavidyalaya ke campus se bahar nikate waqt ek motorcycle wala kisi teer ki tarah bheed se nikla.



Uske pahiyaan ki ghisne ki awaaz ne Shaurya ke bheetar ke unmaad ko ek pal ke liye jagrit kar diya.

"Aye hat! Side de!" Motorcycle wala chillaya.

Motorcycle seedha Palak se ja takraye. Wo zameen par giri uske kaale baal dhool mein bikhar gaye...speed kam hone ke wajah se jayda chot nhi lage. Shaurya kshan bhar mein uski taraf lapka.

"Aankhein button hain kya teri?" Shaurya ne ghurrate hue cycle wale ka collar pakadne ke liye haath badhaya par Palak ki karahne ki awaaz ne use rok liya.

"Shaurya... chhodo use ruko,"

Shaurya turant uske paas ghutno ke bal baitha. "Ghabrao mat Palak. Main dekhta hoon."

Palak ne apne dahine kandhe ko pakadte hue bole, "Mera kandha. Maano andar se kuch toot gaya ho."

Shaurya ne dhyan se dekha. Uska kandha apni jagah se dislocate ho gaya tha. Bheed jama hone lagi. "Hato yahan se! Khaali tamasha mat dekho idhar!" Shaurya un par dahada.

"Tumhe Hospital jana padega Palak," Shaurya ne narm awaaz mein bola.

"Nahi," Palak ne uska haath kas kar pakad liya. "Hospital nahi. Wahan bahut lambe line lage rhete hai. Mujhe bas kahin shaant jagah le chalo."

Shaurya ne use sahara dekar uthaya aur pustakalaya ke peeche wali sunsaan gali mein le gaya.

"Dekho Palak, main medical student hoon. Tumhara kandha dislocate ho gaya hai. Agar main ise abhi sahi nahi karta toh ye sujan badh jayegi. Mujhpar bharosa hai?"

Palak ne dard mein sar hilaya aur apne top ka kapda halka neeche kar diya.



Palak uske bharose the uske peenth dekhar uska khoon jam gaya par usne Palak ko vachan diya tha.

Shaurya ne uska haath pakda aur ek vishesh reduction technique ka istemal kiya jiske baar mein usne padha tha.

"Ek... do... teen!"

Ek halki pop ki awaaz aayi aur Palak ne dabi hui cheekh maari. Uska kandha sahi jagah baith chuka tha.

"Ho gaya," Shaurya ne paseena ponchhte hue kaha.

"Uff... behtar... bahut behtar. Shukriya Shaurya," Palak ne apne kaale baal peeche kiye. Phir usne Shaurya ki aankhon mein dekha. "Lekin tumhare bheetar ka gussa... wo bahut daravna hai Shaurya. Use sambhalo, varna wo tumhe kha jayega."

***

Raat ki syahi Mumbai ki sadkon par utarne hi wali thi. Shaurya ne Aaryan ki di hui kaali shirt pehni thi.

Tabhi darwaza kisi aandhi ki tarah khula aur Aaryan andar dakhil hua. Uske baal itne zyada gel se chamak rahe thae ki shayad andheri gali mein wo torch ka kaam kar sakte the. Usne apne haath mein ek purana se deo spray pakda tha aur use kisi talwar ki tarah chala raha tha.

"Oye hero! Kya lag raha hai! Agar aaj raat tune kisi ko date par nahi liya toh main tera naam badal kar 'Ghanshyam' rakh doonga,"

Shaurya ne aaine mein apna aakar dekha aur phir Aaryan ki taraf muda. "Naam badalne ki zaroorat nahi padegi Aaryan. Bas ye bata ki tune Manasvi ko kaise fasaya? Mera matlab hai... wo toh itni samajhdar hai aur tu..."

Aaryan ne apna seena chauday kiya aur bistar par baith gaya. "Dekh Shauraya ise 'fasana' nahi kehte. Ise kehte hain 'Manovigyanik Yudhkala' Manasvi ko lagta tha ki main bas ek awara ladka hoon jo sirf faltu ke partyion aur awaaragirdi ke bare mein sochta hai."

"Jo ki sach hai," Shaurya ne beech mein tokte hue kaha.

"Chup kar! Sun toh sahi," Aaryan ne haath nachaate hue kaha. "Maine use Library mein pakda. Wo bechari Advanced Calculus ki kitabon mein dabi hui thi. Maine bas jaakar usse ek sawal pucha 'Manasvi kya tumhe lagta hai ki Newton ne jab apple girte dekha tha toh usne socha tha ki uska milkshake banayega ya gravity ki khoj karega?'"

Shauraya ne apna sar pakad liya. "Tune sach mein ye pucha? Aur wo maan gayi?"

"Arre nahi re! Pehle toh usne mujhe aisi nazar se dekha jaise main koi chipkali hoon jo uske dimaag par gir gayi hai. Phir usne kaha "Aaryan tum kitne bade gadhe ho obviously gravity ke khoj karega?!?"

Maine turant jawab diya '"Haan par main ek aisa gadha hoon jo tumhe apple se milkshake bana ke pila skta hoon jo tumhara Newton nhi kar skta. Bas! Wahi pighal gayi wo."

Shaurya muskuraya par uski muskan mein thodi gambhirta thi. Usne dekha ki Aaryan mazaak toh kar raha ha par uski aankhon mein Manasvi ke liye ek alag hi chamak thi.
"Aaryan mazak se hatkar... thoda serious ho ja," Shauraya ne uska kandha pakadte hue kaha. "Manasvi un ladkiyon jaisi nahi hai jinhe tu har hafte badalta hai. Wo dil ki saaf hai. Agar tu uske saath sirf timepass kar raha hai toh abhi ruk ja. Use chot pahunchana sahi nahi hoga."

Aaryan ka mazaakiya chehra thoda dhila pada gaya. Usne apne deo ko mez par rakha aur niche dekhte hue bola, "Bhai tujhe lagta hai main itna gira hua hoon? Is baar thoda alag hai mere liye sab. Jab wo hasti hai na toh aisa lagta hai jaise poore Mumbai ka traffic jam khatam ho gaya ho. Main serious hoon Shaurya dead serious. Isliye toh tujhe saath le ja raha hoon taaki tu meri badtameezion par lagam laga sake."

Shaurya ne rahat ki saans li. "Theek hai. Par yaad rakhna agar tune use pareshan kiya toh mere bheetar ka jo gussa hai na tujh par nikal jayega."

"Arre baap re! Abhi se dhamki?" Aaryan hasne laga. "

"Chal nikalte hain Isse pehle ki tu poori bottle deo apne upar khali kar de."

"Oye! Ye Versace pour homme hai ladkiyan is par fida hoti hain," Aaryan ne gusse mein kaha.

Shauraya ne uske neeche se ek hamla kiya aur deo ko uchal ke door Kone mein fenk diya, "Chal chal hawa aane de ab..."

**

Bar ke bheetar ka nazaara shor sharaabe se bhara tha. Wahan Manasvi aayi aur uske saath ek aur ladki thi. Janhvi ke kaale baal uske kamar tak ja rahe the usne ek kaale bodycon dress pehne hue the aur uski aankhon mein ek ajeeb si chaturayi thi.

"Ye Janhvi hai Manasvi ki purani dost," Aaryan ne parichay karwaya.

Janhvi ne Shauraya ki taraf dekha aur muskura kar kaha, "Suna hai tumne aaj campus mein ek bada hadsa rok liya? Palak meri saheli hai usne bataya ki tumne uski madad ki."



Dono ek hi college mein the aur ek dusre ko chere se pehchante bhi the par alag alag class mein hone ke wajah se roz baat nhi hote the.

Shaurya thoda hichkichaya, "Bas jo sahi laga wo kiya uss samay"
Party abhi shuru hi hui thi ki wahan Chaitanya aa pahuncha. Chaitanya vishwavidyalaya ka star athlete tha par uska ghamand uske kad se bhi bada tha. Usne Janhvi ka haath pakda aur use apni taraf kheencha.

"Chhodo mujhe, Chaitanya!" Janhvi ne gusse mein kaha.

"Kyun? Is naye ladke ke saath waqt bitana hai?" Chaitanya ne Shaurya ki taraf dekhkar thooka. "Hey tum, yahan se rasta naapo varna tumhara hulia bigad doonga."

Shaurya ne gehri saans li. Uska pashu jaag raha tha. "Usko chhordo Chaitanya. Wo tumhare saath nahi jana chahti."
Aaryan ne beech bachav ki koshish ki, "Bhai, chhodo na jhagda mat karo." Par Chaitanya ne Aaryan ko dhakka de kar gira diya.

Bas wo pal Ishaan ke liye kaafi tha.
Shaurya ne Chaitanya ka haath aisi pakad se jakda ki Chaitanya ka chehra dard se neela pad gaya. "Maine kaha use chhordo."

Chaitanya ne ek mukka mara par Ishaan ne use hawa mein hi pakad liya. Shaurya ki aankhein achanak bilkul kaali aur gahri ho gayi maano koi kuan ho. Usne Chaitanya ko uthakar ek hi jhatke mein bar ke counter ke paar phenk diya. Bar mein sannaata chha gaya. Sabhi log hairat se dekh rahe the ki ek duble patle ladke ne shehar ke sabse bade khiladi ko ek haath se phenk diya.

"Yahan se nikal jao isse pehle ki main apna aapa kho doon," Shaurya ne ghurrate hue kaha. Uski awaaz kisi insaan ki nahi lag rahi thi.

Chaitanya ladkhadate hue bahar bhaga.
Janhvi ne Shaurya ki taraf dekha uski aankhon mein darr nahi balki ek ajeeb sa sukoon tha.



"Tumhe nahi pata tumne kya kiya hai Shaurya. Par mujhe acha laga koi mera liya khada rha."

Thode der baad bina kuch kahe bar se bahar nikal gaya. Wo campus ke sunsaan raste par bhagne laga. Use akele rehna tha. Use samajh nahi aa raha tha ki uske bheetar ye shakti kahan se aayi.

Ghar pahunch kar usne mirror mein dekha. Uska chehra wahi tha kaale baal wahi the par uski aankhon mein ab bhi wo 'unmaad' baki tha jisse seshe ke andar apne 50vi parchaye ko bhi saaf dekh paa rha tha.


Aaj ke liye itna hi guys starting update hai isliye obviously thoda chota hai aage walon se. next update

Nice update....

 

[mistyvixen]

Teri hindi bahut bekar hai, ise acha to English me hi likh de yaa fir kisi ki help le... Ek para nhi padha usme hi kitni mistake hai... Shudh hindi ko devnagari me likh yaa fir normal jesa likhti hai vese hi likh.. AI ise human touch nhi de payega...

Mistakes batao Kahan hai aise toh mein bhi shi cheez ko galat bol doon...koi word ya spelling batao Kahan galati lag rhe hai

Aur woh vaise bhi intro the isliye thodi advanced aur purane language mein likha hai story normal mein hi hai...jaise roj bolte ho. Jayda toh mujhe bhi nhi aate. Ai Hindi mein ek sentence nhi likh pata vaise bhi I've tried it...aur hinglish mein mein toh khud likhne se jayda time le leta hai... isliye khud hi likhte hoon...ha kuch jagah... recommendations dhundh lete hoon kuch special words ke jisse effect bane ai se ek paragraph bhi likhva ke dekhna hinglish mein

Isse bolte hai ai ke Hindi...teen saal mein pehle baar usne phone nhi dekha? Wtf lol

 

[mistyvixen]

I like this one not mc or fmc

Janvhi ka bhai hai woh
Aur tumhare usse kitne banti hai yeh mujhse jayda kisko pata hoga

Jk lol. Gotta stay on the plot. Next update today guys fir dusre ka bhi karna hai. Aaj bahut saare direction clear ho jaayenge story ke in short there would around 10 demons in the story...have u watched demon Slayer...vaise hi kuch...but thode mature type because woh aam janta mein ghule mile honge...also, I will add some exorcism and dark magic.

 

[mistyvixen]

Spoiler: Spoiler ✌️

Ye 1st chapter hai toh jyada kuch nahi kahe sakta kyonki story ka plot clear nahi hua hai. Par....

Chapter me kuch scene aise hai jise improvement ki need hai..

1. Gussa, pashu ye kafi baar repeat hua hai. Ek do jagah body language ka use kar sakte hain. Jaise uske chehre ke bhav achanak se badal gaye.
2. Chaitanya ka charecter jaldi reveal ho gaya. janvi toh bolne wali hi thi, so jaldi laga mujhe. Aur chaitanya jaisa ghamndi ladka warning na de kar kaise chala jaye toh thoda strange lagta hai.
3. Language problem kabhi aisa lagta hai ham old era me hai phir ekdum se ham new era me aa gaye hain... So fix this.
4. 2 jagah shaurya ko ishaan likha hai... So fix this typo.
5. Motercycle aur cycle ka confusion dur karo yaar...

Kuch mistakes mujhe kyu nhi dikhte ishaan Kahan hai ek baar bhi meine do baar check kar liya Haan pehle MC ka naam whi soche the lekin same same ho jata isliye modify ke. Lekin kaise dekh lete ho yeh sab... update mein mention karke batao Kahan hai...time dekh Lena meine kuch edit nhi Kiya.

 

[vihan27]

Mistakes batao Kahan hai aise toh mein bhi shi cheez ko galat bol doon...koi word ya spelling batao Kahan galati lag rhe hai

First para third line— shant tat, ye kya hai, second para — duba nhi dooba

Aur woh vaise bhi intro the isliye thodi advanced aur purane language mein likha hai story normal mein hi hai...jaise roj bolte ho. Jayda toh mujhe bhi nhi aate. Ai Hindi mein ek sentence nhi likh pata vaise bhi I've tried it...aur hinglish mein mein toh khud likhne se jayda time le leta hai... isliye khud hi likhte hoon...ha kuch jagah... recommendations dhundh lete hoon kuch special words ke jisse effect bane ai se ek paragraph bhi likhva ke dekhna hinglish mein

Advance aur purani nhi wo shudh hindi hai, ab shudh hindi ko hinglish me likhegi to padhne me hi azib lagta hai n haa Google search pe jayegi to wo tujhe shudh hindi ke words batayega.. ise acha kisi se puch liya kar yaa... Tu yaha daru me lassi daal rahi hai, match nhi kar raha... Jitna normal way me likhegi utna acha rahega, baki tu jaane aur tere readers, unhe theek lag raha hai to chalne de...

Isse bolte hai ai ke Hindi...teen saal mein pehle baar usne phone nhi dekha? Wtf lol

 

[mistyvixen]

First para third line— shant tat, ye kya hai, second para — duba nhi dooba

Tat MATLAB coast...hota hai na woh... Duba aur dooba yaar kya tum ek letter ke galti nikal rhe ho...yahan mein isse jayda manage kar rhkhe hai...theek kar dungi isko.

Advance aur purani nhi wo shudh hindi hai, ab shudh hindi ko hinglish me likhegi to padhne me hi azib lagta hai n haa Google search pe jayegi to wo tujhe shudh hindi ke words batayega.. ise acha kisi se puch liya kar yaa... Tu yaha daru me lassi daal rahi hai, match nhi kar raha... Jitna normal way me likhegi utna acha rahega, baki tu jaane aur tere readers, unhe theek lag raha hai to chalne de...

Sach bataun toh itne advanced nhi hai story mein agar tumne padhe ho toh daily wale hi Hindi rkhte hoon bas thodi se novel se Lage utna bas...yeh intro special the kyuki 1 ghanta laga ke kuch words dhund dhund ke likhe the maine...Google se. Shudh Hindi nhi hai story mein khi bhi...itne. ek update padh ke dekho chota hi hai...aur tumne shayd mere purane kuch updates bhi padhe hai mein koi manusmriti level ke Hindi nhi likhte bas tumhe bhi bataiye the na ek writer tha yahan pe uske hi story padhte aaye the...sadly he's gone now uske jaise Hindi likhne aa jaye toh kya hi baat ho...but I'm learning and improving day by day.